Modern football is rubbish : an A-Z of all that is wrong with 'the beautiful game'

Nick Davidson and Shaun Hunt are going through a midlife crisis as far as football is concerned. Now they've reached early middle-age they are wondering what has happened to the beautiful game. Where have all the muddy pitches gone?. They wallow in nostalgia for 3pm Saturday kick-offs and cup upsets and they rant against inflated egos, spiralling salaries and satellite TV. And they wonder about men in tights and gloves.